A Load of Bull: Red Bull Cola Revealed

By Broadside Staff Writer Dylan Hares

The staple for the college diet is normally an amalgam of Ramen noodles or other instant midnight meals and energy drinks; and when you think of energy drinks, you think of Red Bull. Originally introduced in 1987, Red Bull is aptly named for its main ingredient, taurine, which is a naturally occurring acid in the body usually used during physical exertion and originally isolated from bulls. The ingredient is produced synthetically and is used in conjunction with caffeine to “combat mental and physical fatigue.” We’ve all seen the ads claiming that “Red Bull gives you wings” to study harder, be smarter, fly, or enjoy nighttime activities. All-in-all, the combination keeps you wired and is commonly used for all-nighters.

I always enjoyed the occasional Red Bull because of its fruity and tangy taste; it is kind of like a fruity soda that goes down relatively easy and keeps me going for another hour or so. While there have never been any negative effects proven, it is cautioned that you shouldn’t enjoy Red Bull while you’re pregnant, have heart or liver conditions, or if you’re a small, vulnerable youngster. And despite the incredible cost of the product (especially the individual cans sold at the JC and Chesapeake Convenience stores), it remains popular.

Apparently someone at the Red Bull marketing department had a little too much and decided that they should throw out the traditional product and start over with “Red Bull Cola.” Now, I thought that “sugar-free” Red Bull was going too far when they took out the thing I sought most, but when students were handing out free cans of the new Red Bull Cola this week around campus, I couldn’t help but be entranced by the idea. The fact is, I love soda and I really like Red Bull. What could go wrong? How could we lose? Someone had the brilliant idea of combining soda and Red Bull, which is amazing. I raced to my dorm and sat at my desk, staring at the can in anticipation. I popped the cap and took a huge swig, getting completely familiar as the liquid washed over my taste buds. Almost immediately after taking the first drink, my tongue set off an alarm telling me something was wrong. I waged an epic battle with my mouth trying to choke down the first sip.

It was a unique taste that was bland and bitter at the same time. It had some fruitiness of the original Red Bull but tasted more like it was mixed with a watered-down diet soda or some variant. The reason it was so awful, I think, is because it had no Red Bull whatsoever. It’s “100% all natural” soda with the name “Red Bull” on it. It has some caffeine in it, but really it’s just carbonated water with vanilla, cocoa, licorice, cinnamon, lemon, ginger, orange, pine, cardamom, mace, clove, and lemon juice concentrate. Now that I think of it, how could it not taste awful when you just push all the leftover spices from your countertop into a pot and call it soda? Regular Coca-Cola has water, corn syrup, caramel color, natural flavors, and caffeine. That, my friends, is the recipe for deliciousness. Red Bull, please don’t mess with it.