In Bed With Billy: My Year of Celibacy Ends

By Broadside Sex Columnist Billy Curtis

You know it’s funny to think that people once laughed at Aristotle when he wrote about the concept of Tabula Rasa. Think about it. The sheer idea of getting a clean slate, a fresh start, sounds nice doesn’t it? Imagine getting that second chance for the one thing you desperately desired but never got to accomplish, that feeling that comes from those magically perfect moments that really make you feel alive. A second chance like that, only a fool would be willing to pass up. 

Unfortunately not all areas in life come with an automatic do-over card. Luckily, this past year, I was able to get one. I ended off last semester by explaining the reasons for why this past year I remained completely celibate, no sex, no anything. It was incredibly hard at first, restraining yourself from the things that once comforted you. But when you know something is wrong for you, it’s obviously best to stay away from it. And I did, 365 days of self-reflection flew by all too quickly. Moments of temptation noticeably came and went. I took each day as another lesson and another way to learn from the things I had done in the past. 

Let me tell you, it’s been quite the fun and interesting summer. Starting a new life, learning new things through new experiences and people, finally letting in the world I once kept out let me open my eyes to things I had been missing for so long.

I can be most proud of the things I learned about myself through this crazy mess. I’ve started to finally understand that I was tired of continuously taking the wrong turns—and wrong men—in order to find myself somewhere new. Running obviously wasn’t working as well as I planned; had to botch that one. Avoidance, yeah that didn’t work either; it seemed that this whole problem had just been another one of those life lessons that have to be hard in order for you to really learn anything from it.

One of the most important lessons I discovered from this past year has taught me that in order to be happy with someone else you truly must be happy with yourself. Be content with who you are and in the endeavors and aspirations you hold. Because you can’t be living for other people in this world, you have your own to enjoy and college is a hard enough place on its own. Enjoy the solitude of nights spent alone, be inspired by the company of good friends, and realize that even though this life is so short, we really do have all the time in the world. 

We can oftentimes become victims of circumstance, even victims of our own circumstance and moronic makings. But change and second chances can be real things. Tabula Rasa can be real. Survival did come for me, fears were conquered and a perfectly clean slate is exactly what I got. Sometimes you need to break yourself in order to find out what lies deep inside you. Despite all the mistakes we make in this world, there are always chances for redemption. There are always chances to make a difference. And there are always moments when the realization that there is something better out there for you can be made. 

So maybe I’m not exactly a born-again virgin, but at least I know the importance of only giving myself to someone I care about now. In this fast-paced world, it seems that we continuously end up getting more and more lost in ourselves, giving into indulgences, overlooking our own wellbeing—not to mention those of the people in our lives and how our actions may affect them. Because it’s understandable that people will come and go in our lives, but there should never be a feeling of regret left in their place after they’ve gone.

And regret can be one of the hardest things a person can live with, it’s like constantly carrying a huge boulder over your shoulder, or living the unfortunate life of the great Greek Titan, Atlas—clearly a life that no mortal ever wanted. But regret can be subsided, and the only way to do that is to make reparations for the wrongs you’ve done, amd make amends to the people you hurt in the past—even if that includes yourself. Maybe then you can find yourself in a new and better place, one free of regret, and filled with a world of willingness to experience the life you’ve been missing for so long.

So now the search begins. After all, lovers need practice just as much as NFL quarterbacks, or surgeons do. So why deprive yourself from experiencing the life you need and want to? Second chances can be given, and a new world can be witnessed. It’s a shame I had to lose a couple years of practice, but everyone needs a little humbling in their life these days, or so I think. It’s about time to let that second chance hopefully bring me to where I want to be. Let’s see what happens when we get back In Bed with Billy.