In Bed with Billy: Does Size Really Matter?

By Billy Curtis, Sex Columnist

Once upon a time, there was a young girl with long golden hair. She wandered the lands far and wide in search of something she was direly looking for – the perfect sausage.

The girl saw many things she thought she would never see and felt things she never thought she would feel along the way, but none of the sausages she had were good enough.

Then finally, she came to a house. The girl slowly opened the front door and walked into a kitchen with three plates on the table. Each plate had a sausage on it and she decided to try each one.

She tasted the first plate, but the sausage was just too small and didn’t satisfy her.

So, the girl moved on to the second sausage and it was just too spicy. “Ouch! This is too hot,” she said, and moved onto the last plate, with the largest sausage of all three.

She stuck a piece of the sausage in her mouth, and let it sit there until the wonderful taste seeped into her throat, and then proceeded to finish off the entire sausage. Some girls just prefer the bigger sausages.

Big ones, long ones, small ones, fat ones – Dr. Seuss could make the list go on for days.

To women, size can be an important factor, but also one that is stereotyped. Most women think it’s the size that matters when it comes to having sex.

To men, being self-conscious about their penis size can be its own burden without having to wonder whether your partner may be thinking the same thing.

The truth is that it isn’t always the size that matters most, but rather how well-experienced your partner may be.

It is said that men who lack in the girth department make up for it in other ways, like foreplay.

Think of it like a blind person gaining stronger responses from their other four senses. Not to mention that a penis is still clearly a penis, unless you enter the baby carrot-size territory.

I’ve encountered quite the variety of issues when it comes to the size department.

These include sometimes having to turn guys away who didn’t quite reach the standards that I set for a sexual partner, or even dating someone who may have had the perfect size but was also having some erectile dysfunction problems that they weren’t quite ready to face.

Complications come and go, but I was left wondering: Why has there always been such a fascination with the size of a penis?

In Greek mythology, many were obsessed with the male genitalia, but certainly not with their size. It was more common to see paintings and sculptures with small phalluses.

Obviously, they understood that it really wasn’t the size that mattered.
A few years ago, I encountered my first problems with size. I was dating a guy named Lucas. He was smart, confident (sometimes overly so), and extremely attractive.

Everything seemed great until we got into the bedroom, and he explained to me his fears of being too small and unable to satisfy anyone.

He ended up working himself into a panic and convinced himself that this wasn’t working and immediately left, begging me never to tell anyone.

This was a prime case of “small penis syndrome,” where a man who may not even have a small penis questions himself so intently that it drives him to avoid sexual contact all together.

My relationship with Lucas was extremely short-lived. And while I was bumming over my partner’s small penis predicament, my friend Alex was sizing up the competition through experimental research.

Alex had been doing her own social experiments on guys and the preoccupation they have with their own size.

She went on random dates to see what car they drove or the house they owned. After making her assumptions on their size based on her observations, she would bring them home and determine the real size of what they were packing.

The results she found were quite interesting, and it really is true that guys who have a smaller penis will try and compensate with maybe a flashier car, larger SUV, or some other grand material item that brings them comfort in some way or another.

Men need to feel proud about something, whether it be something they have on their body, or something they own; lacking in the baby-maker department will seriously give any guy a complex, and bring that displacement to other areas of their lives.

Men have a hard enough time wondering about whether or not they are adequate, but truthfully, the penis was only meant to reproduce, give sexual pleasure and urinate.

Size isn’t much of a factor in any of those departments. Luckily, I’ve never had any problem with my member.

But for those of you who do, just remember that there are more ways to pleasure someone than sexual intercourse and you just need to make better use of your resources and knowledge.

After all, if there are still people being born with small penises, they are obviously finding some way to reproduce in this world.

So, forget the misconceptions and go for what you think is best. In the end, it’s all your preference anyway.