Curiosity’s the Key

Photo by Adam Auel.
Todd Kashdan, Associate Psychology Professor at GMU.

By Broadside Writer Kyle Ridley

Dr. Todd Kashdan, Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at George Mason University, shares the key spice in life’s recipe with his first book, Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life.

“I wanted to write about curiosity because it is such a neglected, under-appreciated positive experience,” said Kashdan, 34. “Without curiosity, our ability to explore, discover, and grow would be at a standstill… the goal was to create a book on a topic that has somehow escaped attention in both the scientific community and the world at large.”

Q: Describe the process of writing Curious?

A: After 10 years of researching this topic and treating clients and teaching classes, it was a labor of love to put these ideas into book-length form. For nine months, I devoted at least three hours a day to writing… For me, the hardest part of writing this book was making sure that I didn’t deprive my wife or children from my time or affection. This often meant that I was often alone and sleep deprived, typing away at 3 a.m.

Q: What is it about Curious? that distinguishes itself from other books on fulfillment?

This is not a book about happiness…This is a book about living a life that matters with a broader view about what the “good life” entails…When you take a broad view of what matters, an important question remains that this entire book hinges on. What is the central ingredient to creating a fulfilling life? The answer is curiosity. Being curious is about appreciating and seeking out the new. It’s about being flexible, recognizing the freshness of the familiar. Instead of trying desperately to explain and control our world, we embrace uncertainty. When we are open to new experiences, when we relish the unknown, positive events linger longer and we extract more pleasure and meaning from them. By acting on our curiosity, we explore and discover new things about ourselves, other people, and the world…Without being curious and open to experiences, we stop growing as a person and lose our ability to capitalize on the rewards that life has to offer.

Q: Briefly describe the essential elements you say are needed to create a fulfilling life.

Based on the research, a few of the essential elements for a fulfilling life are: lasting, meaningful relationships, an attitude of openness and curiosity toward whatever it is we attend to, gratitude, and making sure that we devote time and energy to work toward goals that are aligned with our deepest values and interests.

Q: Can you briefly describe a practical exercise that can aid someone in becoming a “curious explorer”?

A: Find the unfamiliar in the familiar. One way to become more curious is to stop allowing the past to govern the present. There are many things we don’t do because we predict that it will be unpleasant. For example, many people (including myself) say that they love all types of music except “country and rap.” Yet, most people never really listen to country and rap music…In this intervention, take part in activities with a single assignment: discover three novel or unique things about what you are doing, the activity itself, or anything else. It could be anything. Then write about them or talk about them to someone. The goal of this task is to become fully aware in the present moment, suspend positive and negative judgments, and attend to how things are and not how we expect them to be.

Q: Describe your own journey in embracing uncertainty and demonstrating “psychological flexibility.”

A: I detail my own journey in this book. My father left my family when I was two years old and my mother died when I was a young teenager. From this point onward, I was raised by my grandmother. I learned far too early that we live in an uncertain, unpredictable world… Without much parental guidance, I had a great deal of freedom to experiment with how to act, what interests to pursue, and what values will form the bedrock foundation for making decisions among the tyranny of options around me… Through my own trial-and-error process of discovering my strengths, interests, and values, I developed a firm foundation of who I am as a person. With this confidence, it’s been easier to take risks and go into situations with the intention of extracting whatever rewards are being offered instead of imposing my own expectations and needs.

Q: What challenges do people typically face when exploring curiosity?

A: Somewhere on the way to adulthood, many of us lose that boundless curiosity that exemplified our youth. Most disturbing of all is the degree to which the desire to be in control, feel certain, feel safe, and feel intelligent control us. Our preconceptions and prejudices control us and we forget to be alive in the present moment. We are on autopilot far too often. We forget that life is an ongoing personal experiment.

Q: You’ve lectured on well-being over the years and have assigned many exercises to stretch one’s curiosity limit. What are some interesting findings in reading student responses?

A: People often take their friends, family, and romantic partners for granted. When we think we become experts about who they are, we stop paying attention. When I give people the exercise to look at someone they have known for years from the perspective of someone who never met them, I am amazed at what happens. People discover that their loved ones can still surprise them…I remember one student who was with her boyfriend for 7 years. For the assignment, she agreed to go to a hockey game with him after years of letting him go on his own with friends. She was surprised by his energy and aggressiveness… Her initial shock morphed into intrigue. She realized how enjoyable it is to see the less dominant sides of his personality and how much she might be ignoring on a daily basis. This mindset switch is what can invigorate relationships. It’s great to watch it unfold over the course of a single weekend because of a homework assignment.

Q: Many people find themselves a slave to routine or lost in the mundane. How will reading Curious? help?

A: The book is filled with techniques for transforming moments to be more interesting and engaging and how to refine the ways that we invest the limited time and energy that we have in any single moment and our one lifetime…I also discuss several strategies for being more flexible in our attitude.

Q: In your worldwide travels, do you find curiosity is more prevalent in certain areas?

A: Absolutely. Even in the United States, researchers find that people with elevated curiosity who are more open to experiences are more prevalent on the East Coast and West Coast than the Middle states. As for countries, democracy paves the way for curiosity whereas authoritarian, rule-governed societies stifle curiosity.

Q: What has been the most rewarding aspect of writing Curious?

A: Getting emails from people around the world who let me know that the book has already had a huge influence on their lives. To be honest, it’s not about writing a bestseller, it’s about improving people’s lives. In this difficult economic climate where people are finding themselves on paths they didn’t expect to be on, I feel as if I’ve written something that can help them.

Q: In one sentence, what is your hope in releasing this book?

A: My hope is that people reclaim a neglected, under-appreciated strength that seems so simple and impotent and start to actively wield their curiosity and improve the quality of their lives.

WANT IT?

TITLE: Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life, by Todd Kashdan, Ph. D

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: toddkashdan.com

PURCHASE: Online and in most bookstores. $17.15 on Amazon.com

BOOK SIGNINGS & Q&A
When/Where:

• April 28 at 6:30 p.m. at the GMU Bookstore, GMU Fairfax Campus
• May 2 at 7:30 p.m. at Borders Books & Music, 11054 Lee Hwy, Fairfax, VA 22030